Iron Strong Part 89: What’s Next?...
What’s Next?...
In 2012 I journaled daily through my divorce, leaving the Mormon Religion, being a Single Mom, becoming a Marathoner and eventually an Ironman Athlete. This story will be delivered in parts and not really edited down from the original writings in my journal (including some typos and grammar misalignment). I do this to uphold the integrity of the Woman I was when I wrote these, long before I knew this would end up as a full book and even though my writing has evolved in the decade since I wrote these pieces. They read in present day time from a decade ago. These are stories of hope, miracles and never giving up on your dreams. It is a heroine’s journey of shame, secrets and ultimate seclusion to the Finish Line of Ironman Arizona....and then beyond. An Outward Journey to an Inward Destination of Freedom and Liberation, Iron Strong.
What’s Next?...
Anytime you do something great, or for that matter even decide to do something great, somebody is going to walk up to you and say, “Well what is next?”.
We live in a society of more more more.
It is easy to get caught up in the hype and excitement too. We carry so many around us on our journey that understandably so other people want to join us in our next journey sometimes before the current one is even over.
That is ok.
Once again it is a reflection or their excitement for you. Or a longing to be a part of whatever is “next”.
Take it as a compliment and smile. Nobody expects you to do more…be more…they just want to tag along. So let them.
Sometimes there is a bigger and better.
Sometimes it is an “I don’t know”.
Sometimes it is something entirely different than what you are doing.
Embrace the moment you are in. Expect the “what’s next” question and be ok with yourself if there is no next.
You are enough exactly where you are. Believe that.
When you know this deep in your core, that the journey and ebbs and flows of life will always be available … it all becomes that much more sweet because true accomplishment and fulfillment comes from knowing your worth versus “what’s next”.
What was my first “next”?
Well promptly after we left Ironman Arizona race course Josh and Sammy were driving me back to the hotel and I was still frozen solid. So instead of going back to the room, I walk straight into the hot tub, clothes on, convinced them clothes on to join me and we soaked for an hour until I was no longer chilled. Hahaha!
This was followed the next day by a lot of bloody mary’s, selfies with my medal, laughter with family and friends and a smile that couldn’t be wiped off.
The “Next” of my London Lover
And this is also where I conclude the story with “him”. The London Boy that changed my life. While he wasn’t present at Ironman, he was in my heart and we conversed every minute we could before and after.
After a magical New Years in Rome just six weeks later, it was the final time we saw each other. Our first hello in Berlin and our last goodbye in Rome. We stayed in touch as long as we could but eventually we moved on. A great epic love. A beautiful man that I will never forget. Memories to last a lifetime.
To Him,
For so long you were my comfort. My rock. You made smile more than anyone and cry more than anyone. There were always more smiles and laughter than tears.
You taught me to love again. That I can believe in love.
I may not understand how love stays yet…but I believe and know love exists because in Berlin, Germany I met you and looked into your eyes.
A stream of love stems from that moment when you said hello and pierced my heart with a single word and deep brown eyes. That piercing opened a crack. And that is when the light began shining through.
The beautiful bright light opened my heart enough for me to see and feel light for the first time in a long time. I’ll never forget that light you gave me. You gave me love. I will still think of you at sunrises, because you made me BELIEVE the sun will always rise and shine through.
You turned hope into a belief. You showed me love. You gave me LOVE. YOU received my LOVE. And there is no greater gift in life than to love and be loved in return. I loved with ever fiber of my heart and that is a gift to feel and experience in this life.
You are a sun in my life. Forever. And always. And even after my sun sets from this life…every sunrise thereafter will whisper of that gift you gave me…every ray of light will be shone in your honor…for our moment in time, in this lifetime, you gave me the gift of love.
Love Unconditionally and Forever,
Your Super Girl
