Iron Strong Part 87: To My Babies...

To My Babies...

In 2012 I journaled daily through my divorce, leaving the Mormon Religion, being a Single Mom, becoming a Marathoner and eventually an Ironman Athlete. This story will be delivered in parts and not really edited down from the original writings in my journal (including some typos and grammar misalignment). I do this to uphold the integrity of the Woman I was when I wrote these, long before I knew this would end up as a full book and even though my writing has evolved in the decade since I wrote these pieces. They read in present day time from a decade ago. These are stories of hope, miracles and never giving up on your dreams. It is a heroine’s journey of shame, secrets and ultimate seclusion to the Finish Line of Ironman Arizona....and then beyond. An Outward Journey to an Inward Destination of Freedom and Liberation, Iron Strong.

To My Babies...

I wanted to write a special letter to you boys….The loves of my life on the eve of Ironman Arizona.

You have been my constant. Not only have been but are. My only daily constant through this journey and every day of my life. You have taught me the greatest gift and that is of unconditional love. For this I want to give you the gift that there is “no impossible” in life.

That there are no limits to how big you can dream and how far you can go. I wanted to give you this in more than writing and words. I needed you to SEE and how solid proof that this is a truth you can hold tight to your entire life. I did an Ironman and I took you along on this journey at my side as my greatest force for good in the world.

I allowed you to watch me in the journey and discover the deepest corners of my soul together. You saw me crying over being tired or not wanting to do a workout.

You would hug me and tell me that I was strong and that you would cheer for me while I did it. You saw me after my bike rides and long runs and would ask me how many miles I did and say you were proud of me.

I have learned to not care what others think of me and take compliments with a grain of salt but when you say you love me and are proud of me it makes my entire soul light up and beam brightly.

You saw me laugh and triumph at races leading up to Ironman. You saw me angry and elated.

I chose to not shelter you from the highs and lows of training and you stood by me and learned that it is ok to be vulnerable and afraid and persistent and mostly importantly no matter what, the word “can’t” doesn’t get to be used. There is always a way if it is important to you.

Some dreams are very hard to accomplish. You will have to work tirelessly and daily toward your goal. These are usually the dreams that you should pursue. The ones that change your very fiber of existence and your daily routine. The ones that make you feel alive and like you CAN do anything with patience and humility. Seek out these dreams and never ever hold back. After all, it is in the daily journey that the champion is made.

I overheard you Tyler say to your brother just weeks before my Ironman race… “We don’t quit in our family Braden…Keep trying…” I was stopped dead in my tracks. It was one of those transcendent motherhood experiences where beyond the daily grind of food, lunch boxes, homework, brushing teeth and genuinely feeling like you are screwing up your kids on a fundamental level…(We all have those as Mother’s right?)...In this moment as I stared at Tyler giving his little four year old brother this pep talk and the look in Braden’s eyes as he understood what was being said and went back to building his race track he wanted to quit creating…That I knew…You were watching and listening to me.

That my words that are backed up by actions are loud and clear in your mind. Enough to speak them. Enough to understand them. Even at four and six. You were watching my every move and learning by my example. And in this case. It may seem a small comparison but this is their world as children.

Building. Creating. Learning. And in that moment Braden found the courage to keep trying to create and finished an amazing track for his cars. The sense of accomplishement and these experiences become core memories and are training their little precious minds to dream big and never ever quit.

You saw my hard work and you saw me dream big my precious little IronBoys…

Know that there are NO limits to how BIG you can dream…

Life is for LIVING and smiling and feeling and LOVING…

You CAN do anything you want in life if you simply take a chance on yourself and let fear take a backseat…

Perfection doesn’t exist…

Love fiercely…

Live and dream BIG…

And be brave my dear boys…Be brave enough to live your most authentic and wholehearted life.

This is the gift I give to you…to BELIEVE in yourself and follow your heart.

I love you to the moon and back and infinity more times. You are my everything. My heart. My soul. My breath. I love you both with every bit of my soul and being your Mother is the greatest gift and treasure of my life. I am always with you. In your precious heart. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.